Autonomy: The Importance of a Sense of Control in Children

According to Self-Determination Theory (SDT), autonomy is a fundamental psychological need that shapes motivation and personality.

What is Autonomy?

Autonomy refers to the ability to choose one’s behaviours based on self-motivation (Linkiewich et al, 2021). According to Self-Determination Theory (SDT), autonomy – along with competence and relatedness – is a fundamental psychological need that shapes motivation and personality (Joussemet & Mageau, 2021; Linkiewich et al., 2021). Research shows that children experience more positive developmental and emotional outcomes when these needs are fulfilled.

In Ballarotto et al.’s (2023) study, young families were observed in a play and a feeding setting. They found that toddlers most frequently signalled a desire for autonomy in both. This suggests that autonomy is not just developmentally beneficial, but also something children actively seek. In fact, Han et al. (2022) argues that a child’s contentment is mostly based on how much autonomy they perceive themselves to have, rather than their actual level of autonomy.

Importance of Autonomy

Autonomy supportive parenting has been associated with numerous positive developmental outcomes. Rather than directing their energy toward resisting control, children who perceive themselves as autonomous are able to engage better in learning and social relationships (Hargreaves et al., 2022).

Supporting autonomy fosters:

• Improved self-regulation – children have the chance to explore behavioural and emotional management, which allows them to better navigate conflict or stress (Joussemet & Mageau, 2021; Linkiewich et al., 2021). This also leads to improved self-esteem and overall well-being (Hargreaves et al., 2022).

• Stronger internal motivation – having autonomy promotes motivation for children to engage confidently with the world around them, positively impacting academic performance and social relationships (Joussemet & Mageau, 2021; Linkiewich et al., 2021).

• Socio-emotional benefits -  autonomy support has been linked to greater social competence and decreased internalizing or externalizing of emotions.

• Boosts cognitive development and academic success – choice-making and problem-solving helps impart skills like inhibition, working memory, and flexible thinking. These are useful in both learning and everyday functioning (Hargreaves et al., 2022; Joussemet & Mageau, 2021).

Parental Support

Parents can foster autonomy by encouraging children to take an active role in decision-making and problem-solving.

Some helpful strategies include:

• Be responsive – to both verbal and non-verbal cues. Parental sensitivity to a child’s signals plays a key role in supporting psycho-emotional development and the child’s developing sense of self (Ballarotto et al., 2023).

• Empathize and engage in perspective-taking – acknowledge and respond to the child’s desire for independence. Create a space for open dialogue and clearly explain boundaries so they understand the reasons behind them.

• Provide scaffolding – offer help when needed but allow the child to take the lead when possible.

• Encourage choice-making – allow the child to make decisions based on their needs and preferences. Celebrate their efforts and praise thoughtful decision-making. 

• Offer meaningful choices – even small decisions can promote a sense of control.

• Avoid controlling behaviour – minimize criticism and refrain from overriding the child’s choices unnecessarily. Trust fosters growth.

(Han et al., 2022; Joussemet & Mageau, 2021; Linkiewich et al., 2022)

Given the differing roles of parents in a family, children may respond differently to the same parenting behaviour from mothers and fathers. For instance, Joussemet & Mageau (2021) found that minimizing controlling behaviours was especially important for mothers, while fathers were more effective when they provided gentle guidance and encouraged exploration.

Still, every child and family is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. What matters most is that both parents offer consistent support. 

Conclusion

Children thrive under a sense of autonomy. The benefits – from improved self-esteem to better academic and emotional functioning – make it clear that autonomy is worth cultivating. Parents play a crucial role in this process by providing a structured yet flexible and safe environment that suits the individual profile of the child. With empathy, responsiveness, and trust, we can empower children to develop into confident, motivated individuals.

Written by: Jia Hui

References

Depositphotos. (n.d.). Man standing with arrows pointing in different directions [Photograph]. Depositphotos. https://depositphotos.com/photo/man-standing-with-arrow-choices-115741776.html

Ballarotto, G., Murray, L., Bozicevic, L., Marzilli, E., Cerniglia, L., Cimino, S., & Tambelli, R. (2023, November ?). Parental sensitivity to toddler’s need for autonomy: An empirical study on mother-toddler and father-toddler interactions during feeding and play. Infant Behavior and Development, 73, 101892. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.infbeh.2023.101892 

Han, C.S., Brussoni, M.J., & Masse, L.C. (2022, January 6). Parental autonomy support in the context of parent-child negotiation for children’s independent mobility: ‘I always feels safer with my parents’ to ‘boom! bust down those walls!’. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 42(6). https://doi.org/10.1177/02724316211064513 

Hargreaves, E., Saville, K., Buchanan, D., Gray, S.L., Perryman, J., & Quick, L. (2022, December 28). Sense of competence, autonomy and relatedness during primary-secondary transition: Children express their own experiences. International Journal of Educational and Life Transitions, 1(1): vol 6 pp. 1-16. https://doi.org/10.5334/ijelt.36 

Joussemet, M., & Mageau, G.A. (2021, August 10). Supporting children’s autonomy early on: A review of studies examining parental autonomy support toward infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. The Oxford Handbook of Self-Determination, pp. 529-C26P121. http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197600047.013.28 

Linkiewich, D., Martinovich, V.V.A., Rinaldi, C.M., Howe, N., & Gokiert, R. (2021, March 10). Parental autonomy support in relation to preschool aged children’s behavior: Examining positive guidance, negative control, and responsiveness. Clinical Child Psychology Psychiatry, 26(3), pp. 810-822. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359104521999762